Coping with Workplace Bullying and a Hostile Work Place Pt. 1

May 25, 2011No Comments

How to stop feeling like a victim?

Check out my video, it covers the info in the first part (before the meditation technique) of this post and tells a bit about my experiences-and it’s on my home page.  (See helpful holistic mindfulness technique below.)
Realize you were victimized but you are not a “victim,” don’t make that your identity! It will be crucial to your survival to not exude victim as you go forward. Events happened, that were upsetting, horrible and eroded your sense of self, your sense of peace-yes. I know it happened to me, most recently,  over the course of six years.  But do not claim an identity as a victim. There is a difference.  A real world example is this:  you do get diagnosed with anxiety or severe depression, and perhaps qualify for some sort of disability, as a result of the ongoing chronic harassment at work.

But I tell you from the bottom of my heart-you know- that part of you is undamaged and will survive!! Once you become “disabled,” you have to live up to that label and be crippled by it.  And then the bullies or situation would have won! If you can at all I recommend only using any support as long as you need it-and with the understanding that you are healing and getting stronger.  And then watch yourself do it!

So in no way am I saying you are not feeling pain as a result of what I call a “Thunderbolt” experience-in this example workplace bullying/job loss.  But it can be from severe illness, loss of partner/divorce etc., really an trauma.  How can you move forward out of and not get stuck in repeat episodes of abuse if you claim the mantel of “victim?”  I say this as someone who has suffered at the hands of most recently a workplace bully-several in fact, it was a posse of bullies.  I understand your health is suffering, certainly your sleep is abnormal, your tired, irritated, anxious.  Some respond with depression-as you can’t see a way out.  Depression arises when one sees no good option, no option of “release;”  is it better to “quit” or “stay and fight?” This can tie us into a knot.   Also I’ve read that depression is anger turned inward, and if  you are in a situation of feeling helpless at work, naturally you begin to feel angry also.

Resources for Dealing with Workplace Bullying:

When The Bully Sits In the Next Cubicle, NY Times article.

Workplace Bullying Institute they have a helpful site with info on: health, mental health harm, anxiety, depression, PTSD, social harm, economic harm, so check them out!

Books:

A Meditation Technique: Guarding your EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

Please only try this if you are feeling able to sit with emotions and not become despondent.  As always I recommend immediately contacting and seeing a supportive qualified therapist.

This is to help process emotions that come up, such as fear, feeling overwhelmed whatever.  Create a space that feels safe, warm and where you will not be suddenly interrupted (turn down phone ringer.)  Lower the lights to comfortable level set a quiet alarm clock/radio for 10 or 20 minutes.

1. Sit in a straight backed chair or on the carpet with the buttocks on a cushion with legs crossed, if that works for you.  Main thing is straight but relaxed posture.
2. Take a few deep breaths. Close or lower your eyes.  Inhale and let out a soft sound as you exhale 5-10x.
3. Begin to tune into your body. Drop into the sensations in your body.  What are you feeling?
4. Allow thoughts, feelings and emotions to arise.  Simply notice them, like an observer.  As if you are looking at an object that you are very interested in….just seeing and feeling whatever arises.
5. Be aware, without judgement. If you notice sadness or anger just give yourself compassion, as in “oh that is what I’m feeling,” let it be ok. Don’t fight with whatever you notice.
6. Our body/mind will naturally process and if we don’t cling emotions will move through, stay for a time and pass away.
7. Feel the energy of the emotions, change and disperse. Perhaps as you sit the feeling keeps arising. That’s fine, be ok with it and it WILL NATURALLY come, abide for a time and melt away.
8. Try not to get into the “story,” of mentally repeating the upsetting episode, over and over if possible.  Just trust that the emotions are cleansing.  And as you end notice how perhaps you feel lighter.
9. To end.  Sit for a minute or so. Shrug your  shoulders a few times, blink eyes and stretch arms over head.  Perhaps make any notes of what you observed.  And notice how you feel now, compared to before you started.